The Hardest Word

Can you guess what it is? It's just two letters. In fact, they're even next to each other in the alphabet. That's right, it's NO. Just a small little thing, but it has the power to change things if we would be willing to use it. 

This week I had to pull it out of mothballs when a project I really wanted to be a part of just didn't fit my current season of life. I'd been putting off pulling the plug on it because I just knew that if I rearranged this and moved that around, I could find the time to make it happen. I could shoehorn it into my life. But the more I tried to do it, the more I thought about it, and the longer it hung over my head, the more I knew what I had to do. 

And so I wrote the email and as soon as it was sent, I felt a weight lift. I'd known all along that I didn't have time to do it, but I so wanted it to work out, that I was willing to go on and on, trying to make it happen. But here's a lesson I've learned...don't force things. If it's meant to be, then it's going to fall into place without the aid of a hammer and chisel.

Photo by Kai Pilger on Unsplash

No. It's such a simple word, that wields so much power. What if more parents said it to their kids? I wonder if I would look around and sigh quite as much as I do now, or shake my head over the state of the world. What if we said it more often when advertising agencies told us what gimmick would make our life easier? What if we used it when tempted by all the things that we think will make us happier, but never do? What if we said it to toxic situations/people or to unhealthy habits? 

Or what if we said it, as I did this week, to opportunities that look good. In fact, really seem like something we'd enjoy doing, but the timing is all wrong, and they end up adding more stress instead of being enjoyable? I didn't want to write and send that email, but the (almost immediate) response I receive confirmed that I had, in fact, made the right call to use my little word. And all week, ever since I said it, I've felt freedom. The freedom to say NO to good things can be as freeing, sometimes more so, than saying it to things that we know are bad for us. It feels like freedom and power and progress.

I can say no to good things if they are good things but bad timing. What about you? What was the last thing that you said "no" to and felt good about once it was done? Don't be afraid to use this tiny powerhouse. 

Inches, Pounds, and Ahas!

After 31 days of no sugar, no fake sweeteners, and low starches, I stepped on the scale and saw that I was down 7 lbs. from where I started on January 1st. Each week I measured my chest, waist, hips, and thighs, and after a month of cutting out sweets and curbing the snack attacks, the loss of a few inches and half inches were making themselves felt in the fit of my clothes. And while it's nice to see those kinds of results, other, unexpected lessons crept up during the month that made the most significant impact. 

Lessons like...

• Realizing that I was addicted to sugar and didn't see it.
• Recognizing that I turned to sugary coffee drinks for comfort on bad days.
• I used food as a reward for hard days or other "sacrifices" I had made.
• When I felt frustrated with life, I replaced going to God with going to Starbucks.
• For someone who prides herself on being very self-aware, I snacked mindlessly.
• Since I was trying to buy less stuff...I made up for it by buying more food.
• Worst of all, I taught my kids that "treats" should be a regular occurrence.

Bottom line: food, specifically sugar, had become an idol. I worshipped the temporary "high" that a stop at Starbucks would give me. I bowed at the altar of donuts.

Photo by Rod Long on Unsplash

With the revelations of January fresh before me, I made the conscious decision to extend the lifestyle changes another month, and potentially longer. Not only was I seeing the physical benefits of the choices I was making in what and when I ate, but I also felt better than I had in months, if not years. The unexpected discoveries of the hold that sugar had on me just added to my desire to continue down this path and see where it led. 

Although at first, I missed my Starbucks stops and late-night binge snacking, I found that I much preferred the feeling of being satisfied with less. It was equally, if not more addicting than the temporary sugar rush that accompanied eating a doughnut the size of my face or downing a large Diet Coke. I became aware of the number of times I unconsciously associated going somewhere with picking up a treat. Drop the kids off at taekwondo, stop and get a coffee. Run errands on Saturday morning and bring home a Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit for the Hubs and me.

Treat, when used as a noun, is defined as: an event or item that is out of the ordinary and gives great pleasure. But when the event or item is no longer out of the ordinary, can it still be called a treat? When a doughnut truck came every week to a local parking lot, and I started stopping more and more often...was it still a treat? Or had my kids (and I) come to expect it? 

Several years ago, when the Hubs and I were laser-focused on paying off our first mortgage, we only allowed ourselves to go out to eat once a month. After money was less of an issue for us, going out stopped being a treat and became routine. "Do you feel like cooking tonight? No? Me neither. Let's go out." 

Last month I was reminded of that austere time in our lives as I once again began to deny myself the "treats" that had become expected and regular. In fact, I found that it became easier to tell myself "no" the longer I did it. Why? Because I wanted the rush of actual treats. Something that truly was out of the ordinary. Something that was unexpected, rather than something that was commonplace. 

I've told myself that I can now have one treat from Starbucks every month, using the gift cards I received for Christmas and my birthday. But instead of rushing towards the drive-thru on February 1st, I discovered there is even more joy in waiting. In fact, as I type this, with the end of the month rushing towards me, I have yet to go. 

The surprise "Aha!" of the last two months has been that the discipline of being more mindful of what I eat, what I spend my money on, and how I prioritize my time has made me want more. 

• More of the feeling of accomplishment when my waistband isn't digging into my stomach. 
• More of the sense of freedom that comes from paying cash at the grocery store and sticking to the budget. 
• More guilt-free time to spend reading for pleasure because my work isn't hanging over my head, and dinner is in the Crock-Pot. 
• More of Jesus, less of me. 

Idols don't always take the form we might think...sometimes they are shaped like bite-sized sugar bombs and time-sucking YouTube videos. Sneaky little things... So I'll close this with a question for you to ponder: What idols are ensconced in your life? If you take time to think about this and be honest, you might find yourself to be just surprised as I was. 

Hold That Impulse!

I recently found myself on a website of a store that I hadn't visited in some time. In fact, it had been several years since I had been a regular customer of theirs. But after a conversation with someone triggered an idea for a future gift, I typed their URL in my browser and was immediately sucked into the "Additional Discount Sales Vortex." You know the one? When something that had originally been $50 is marked down, with an additional discount "added in cart," to just $15. I not only purchased the originally intended gift, but I threw in four more items for good measure. The whole thing, including shipping and tax, still fell under $100, but these days, that's more than I have in disposable income. I know I'm not alone in this.

Photo by Xiaolong Wong on Unsplash

With the cost of groceries ever skyrocketing and getting excited when Kroger has their 18-count eggs on sale, 2/$7, I really don't have money to throw around on items I don't need...and didn't know I wanted until I saw the sale price. When it costs over $100 to fill up the Hub's work vehicle, and self-employment taxes are looming over our heads, it really doesn't matter how cute the item is or what kind of deal it appears to be...bills before thrills. 

January is always the hardest month for me. My ancestral Scotch-Irish frugality comes out of hiding as soon as I see perfectly good items - things that I would want to buy anyway as future gifts - now flaunting themselves before me with clearance stickers and preening around under giant "Semi-Annual Sale" banners. If I stick to my list of people and gifts, then I can definitely stretch a dollar and get more for them than if I was paying full price, but the problem is...I see those discounts and suddenly things that I never needed before (like cute winter-themed car air fresheners) end up in my cart as well. If you're curious how I know this...I'm staring at one on my desk as I type this. 

So how can we avoid those impulse purchases? Is there anything besides good, old-fashioned self-control? I've got a few little ideas to toss out there...do with them what you will.

• Sleep on it. I'm sure you've heard this one before, but if you're tempted to click, "Buy Now" - stop. If it's a sale item, it's possible that your desired size and color may not be there tomorrow. But then again, by tomorrow you may have forgotten all about it.
• Carry cash. If you know it's sale season (as it is every January with certain body-care and lingerie stores), give yourself a budget. In cash. And then go to the store, guilt-free. If you find things, you have the cash. If you don't find things, you get to take the cash home. And if you find more than you have cash for...you have to make some hard in-store choices and walk away from the rest. 
• Regret fixes nothing. You're going to flub up every once in a while. We're all human, we all do it. You're going to click "buy now" on Amazon without following rule #1. You're going to come home with something not on your list from the Aldi Finds aisle. You will be swayed by the "additional 40% off" pop-up on the website. So when those things happen, don't beat yourself up about it. If you regret the purchase, pull out the receipt and head back to the store or pack it up to go back to Amazon. Regret fixes nothing, but returns do. 

Remember those items I purchased on impulse? The ones that started with a gift idea and ended up being mostly for me? I knew I didn't need them, but I sure could use a couple of cartons of eggs and a gallon of milk. So after thinking about it for a few days, I returned two of them to a local branch of the store. I walked out with $42 back in my bank account, and a smile on my face. Don't let a momentary impulse throw off your financial groove. Pick yourself back up, return your mistakes, and move on. Tomorrow is a new day. 

Enough.

One question. Three words. Two of them just one syllable. 

When the Aldi Finds post comes up on Instagram, and the first thing that comes to mind is, "Oohhh...I need to stop by there!" follow that thought up by asking yourself, "Is it necessary?" 

When the sale flyer lands in your inbox and you see your favorite store is taking an additional 40% off the clearance price, instead of clicking on the link, ask yourself, "Is it necessary?" 

This simple question goes along very nicely with others, such as...

• Do I really need it?
• Will my life be better if I have this?
• Could I use something I already own?
• What could I use the money for instead?

And my personal favorite...

Why did I not need it before I knew it existed? 

Photo by Tamanna Rumee on Unsplash

I'm currently reading How To Break Up With Fast Fashion: A guilt-free guide to changing the way you shop – for good, a book written by Lauren Bravo and published in January 2020. While much has changed in the world since its publication, including COVID, lockdowns, supply-chain issues, recessions, and $5 cartons of eggs, the idea of mindless buying or overbuying, has not. In fact, if anything, the 2020 pandemic made the problem worse, when we were all stuck inside, but Amazon was still delivering. And now that the financial status of the U.S., among other countries, is on the verge of insanity, it often feels that our only option for clothing our kids and ourselves are the cheaply made t-shirts and one-season pants offered by "fast fashion" vendors like Old Navy and Walmart. 

I get it. I have five kids. Although the eldest is out on her own and hasn't wanted me to buy her clothes in a few years due to a difference in style taste {ahem}, the other four are all still in their growth spurts and it feels like a never-ending cycle of buying fast fashion, because it's what we can afford, only to have it fall apart, wear out, or simply give up months, and sometimes weeks, after purchase.  

In 2020, I read Secondhand: Travels in the New Global Garage Sale by Adam Minter, which I found both fascinating and thought-provoking. After spending four years living and working in several developing nations (or, a little less P.C. - third-world countries), I wasn't entirely unaware of the situations described by Minter and Bravo in their respective books. When we lived in a small country in southern Africa, we commuted almost daily past a local garment factory where GAP and Levis jeans were made. In one Southeast Asian country, down a bumpy dirt road, I found beautiful pottery bowls in a store, stamped with the official emblem of Williams & Sonoma, and was told they were made in a factory not far away. And yet in each case, a new pair of GAP jeans or a set of mixing bowls would cost more to buy than the worker who made them would make in a month? Two months? Six months? It was, and is, sobering. 

And so, I ask again, is it necessary? Or do I, in fact, have enough? These are the questions I'm pondering and have been for quite some time. And of the things I have, how much do I donate (and thus contribute even more to the "global garage sale") and how much do I keep in the hopes that I can repurpose it? I'm not an environmentalist, and I don't think we can save the planet (I mean, Revelation is a bit of a spoiler alert on that idea), but I do believe that God has entrusted us with this creation of His, and we are to be good caretakers and stewards of the resources He gives us. And beyond that, and even more importantly, we are to love the people in this world, as He does. Am I loving them well by sending them my junk or supporting the working environments I've both observed and read about, by buying fast fashion? I don't think I am. 

This is not the end of the conversation, but it is the beginning. I'm still pondering, still reading, still learning. January 2023 was a month of changing habits and beginning a journey of becoming a better steward of many things, including my body (what I eat and how I treat it), my time (what I spend it on), my money and resources, and now, apparently, my closet. I don't know where this will end, but I suspect that ENOUGH just became my word of the year. 

The Grace of Small Victories

I started writing a blog post last week entitled, "Stuck." Because that was how I was feeling. Very, very stuck. Stuck in this weight loss journey, stuck in what I was eating, stuck in the habits I was trying to develop and cultivate. I wasn't ready to give up, but I was discouraged and tired of feeling like I was getting nowhere fast. 

And then I did my Saturday weigh-in and was utterly surprised when I was down another 2 lbs. I measured all the parts I've been measuring and had dropped between 1/4 and 1/2" of an inch on three of the four (my thighs, I am sorry to say, have decided to put up a fight, but this is a marathon, not a sprint, so we'll see who wins in the end). And suddenly I didn't feel as stuck anymore. 

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

Pondering this mental switch, I began to reflect on the fact that one tiny little positive change, one little step of encouragement in the right direction, really does wonders for your perspective. Instead of feeling like denying fleshly cravings and losing sugar wasn't worth my time, I suddenly felt like what I was doing was worth it. It made it easier to say no, easier to reach for the water bottle rather than the coffee pot, and easier to enjoy the freshly ground peanut butter on one slice of the Keto bread. 

Telling myself "no" to a few little things that I had been, unwittingly, using as comforts suddenly felt worth it in order to reach a bigger goal of feeling healthier and liking what I saw in the mirror a little bit more. It was a small victory step that surprised me in its weightiness. Mentally, it was the boost I needed to keep going and not give up. 

🔖     🔖     🔖     🔖     🔖

There are all sorts of things that we give up on in life. Challenges to read a certain number of books. Goals to walk a set number of steps. Plans to visit new places, see new things, and try new foods. Or even the intention to forgive past wrongs, break bad habits, or avoid making the same mistakes over and over again. 

We start out strong - we read the first book, we walk the first week, we download the Airbnb app, and we make a list of new restaurants to try. We have every intention of forgiving that person we've been holding a grudge against...until we see them. We make it a day or two without spending money we don't have on stuff we don't need. We stand firm in our resolve...until it's been a long day, a bad week, or a hard month. And then we allow the negatives to overwhelm the positives. 

When it's been several days of not making time to read, it's easy to just throw in the towel and say, "Oh well, I might as well not even try at all," and then pick up your phone and start scrolling through your favorite social app. 

After feeling like you've denied yourself of everything you wanted for a week and then the scale says, "Nothing's changed. Nice try. Thanks for playing," it's not surprising when we shout, "Why even try?!" and wheel into the local coffee shop for a high calorie beverage or stop for doughnuts. 

Or when you extend the hand of love and friendship to someone and get kicked in the pants for your troubles, or get burned again when you lower your guard, daring to hope that this time something will be different, it's not surprising that most of us say, "I knew it," and shut the door to ever trying something like that again. 

So what do we do? Do we give up? Do we cave and then kick ourselves a little bit more when the scale moves up, when the bank account is at $0 but our closets are full of cloths we don't wear, when nothing at all changes and this year begins to look exactly like last year? No. That's when it's time to look for the positives.

Small steps, sometimes so infinitesimal that they'd be hard to see without a magnifying glass, are the small victories that help keep us going. If I was only focused on the numbers on my scale, I would probably have given up by now. But because a friend suggested that I also measure inches (which I've never done before), I knew that even though it felt like nothing had changed, things actually were happening. You wouldn't believe how excited I got when I was down a measly quarter of an inch. But, on the small victory side, I wasn't up a quarter of an inch! 

And when that person disappoints you again, when they fail to show up or they break their own resolutions, instead of shutting down, why not do a little self-reflection? What failures would you like people to judge you by? My guess is...none. Rather than judging the parent/friend/child/sibling/co-worker by their failures to live up to their own expectations, let alone yours, why not consider extending grace to them? You might be surprised. It could be just the boost of encouragement they need to pick up their pieces and try again. Don't blow them out of the water. Give them a small victory. 

The 30-Minute Difference

Towards the end of 2023, I wrote a post about making your own time. It was an idea I was still trying to formulate in my own head, but I finally put some of those thoughts into practice this month and have been pleasantly surprised by the results. 

Photo by Lukas Blazek on Unsplash

After becoming increasingly frustrated with our homeschool schedule, I started making plans for how things could be different in the new year. A new schedule meant organizing my time a little differently. As I looked at where our time had been going, I realized I just needed a little more space in the day to get it all done. 

Since I couldn't pull any more time from the afternoons/evenings, which is my freelance work time, I had to look to the morning. On a whim, I decided to try getting us all up and moving 30 minutes earlier. The results, so far, have been overwhelmingly positive. 

Instead of always running late, I'm now the first one in the schoolroom, and usually have a few minutes to myself to get things settled - things like lighting the candle on my desk and filing away papers that were handed in the previous day - before the kids come in. Not having a frazzled teacher does wonders for the learning environment, let me tell you!

In addition to adding 30 minutes to the morning routine, I also started aiming to remove 30 minutes from the nighttime routine. I knew it was possible because I knew that my working hours weren't always the most focused of the day. And while I naturally gravitate toward being a night owl, if this was going to work, I knew I still needed to try to get a good 7-8 hours of sleep. 

By just switching the schedule up by 30 minutes, I have found our school days to be far more productive. Giving myself dedicated evening working hours has allowed me to be more focused with my time and attention, and has even given me the margin to do things like write this blog post, or read a chapter or two in one of the books on my nightstand.

I'm still tweaking different aspects of this habit-in-the-making, but I like what I see so far. It might not seem like 30 minutes would make that much of a difference, but then again, you might be surprised. Give it a try and let me know how it turns out. 

In the meantime, if you'll excuse me, I need to get this post scheduled and knock out a couple more projects before logging off and snuggling down into bed with my latest read (in case you're curious, it's The Nineties by Chuck Klosterman - a Christmas gift from the Hubs) before the Sandman wins the battle for sleep.

The Sugar Fast: Week #1 Update

This is not an exciting, thoughtful post, but it is an update about one of my "small victory" goals for the month. So if you're not interested in cutting out sugar or hearing about what I'm substituting for it...I totally understand and hope you'll come back later when I write about something a little more interesting. In the meantime, this is for posterity's sake.

As I'm typing this, I'm one week into my sugar fast for January. Not only have I cut out all candy and sweets, but I've been pretty strict about staying away from foods that are high in sugar, and foods that turn into sugar later on (think white rice, white potatoes, and white bread). The first two days were brutal. 

I would not have considered myself a sugar fiend, but on day one, I swear...I could have eaten an entire bag of Reese's peanut butter cups in one sitting. The no-sugar headache lasted two days, before finally wearing off. And when the sugar urges slowed down, the carb urges began. Bread, pasta, potatochips...I would have killed for any or all of them, and not in moderation. 

It's entirely possible that one day this week, I looked at my family and pointed to the loaf of homemade bread that I had served up for dinner (piping hot, with butter) and said, "When this is over, I'm making a loaf and eating the whole thing. By myself." So it appears that I still need some work in the self-dicipline area.

This image is the personal property of CG Koens and may not be used without written permission

But while we were off to a rough start, here's the good news. One week into this, I'm down 5 lbs, or, as my weightloss app so kindly phrased it, I've lost the weight of a table lamp. I'm not sure how that's supposed to make me feel better, but as one friend so aptly quipped, "I guess it means you're lighter." {Insert Groan Here} 

Something else I'm tracking this time, which I haven't done before, is inches. On January 1st, I weighed and then measured my bust, waist, hips, and thighs (or rather, just one). When I checked these again after one week, I had lost 1.5" from my waist, .25" from my hips, and .5" from my bust measurements. The thighs are holding out on me, but I'm very, very cautiously optimistic. 

For the most part I have continued to cook normal meals for the family, I am just selective about what I eat from them. For example, while they chowed down on the loaf of bread with the beef stew that I made, I allowed myself one half of a smaller slice of the bread, and focused on eating the protein-rich stew. While they eat leftovers for lunch each day, I put a small amount of my freshly ground peanut butter from The Fresh Market on a slice of Keto-friendly wheat bread from Aldi, or low sodium rice cake from Kroger, and then add a few bites of cheese and a few bites of salami. 

In addition to cutting out sugar, I've also focused on cutting out the sugar substitutes. So even though Diet Coke has no sugar, it still has aspartame, and I've got some serious doubts about how good all of that is for us. So, this means that I'm drinking water like it's going out of style, and the first thing I do each morning is fill up my 40 oz. water bottle. I also allowed a little bit of our grocery budget to go to Bubly drinks, which are basically soda water with flavoring and nothing more. It allows me to have a treat drink when I get really sick of water. 

And finally, since I'm cutting out all the good stuff, it means that I've also cut out the stops at Starbucks this month. Yes, of course I could drink black coffee. But I hate black coffee. So I'm just putting that on hold until I ease back in next month - I'm thinking one treat drink a month. In the meantime, I've switched to hot tea, my favorite brand/flavor being the Tea Pigs Liquorice and Peppermint tea. It has a delightfully sweet flavor without having to add anything to it, like honey. 

Bottom Line: After the first two days, it's gotten easier. I've found some foods to eat, I'm feeling more full (probably because I'm not consuming so many empty calories), and it's encouraging to see the scale going down, rather than up. Week #1 in the books...here's to a healthy and successful Week #2!

Sugar LESS

Happy New Year! I initially thought about titling this post, "Sugar-FREE in '23" but I'm just not that corny, plus it's not entirely factual. I'm not planning to go totally off of sugar, except for the month of January (more on that in a minute), so it's more about consuming less sugar in the coming year, in all its various forms. 

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

I've seen numbers quoted by various sources in the U.S. that claim the average American eats 42.5 teaspoons of sugar every day. That's a lot of sugar! From sugary drinks to candy to donuts to the added sugars in condiments and even the fake sugar in "sugar-free" products, we consume far more than is good for us or our bodies. 

I'm far from being a health nut. But as I have been re-reading the Little House series of books to my kids, I have been struck once again by the fact that the only candy consumed by the Ingalls girls were the small bags of a few pieces (or one stick) found in a stocking on Christmas, or the occasional maple syrup candy made when it snowed. Otherwise, sugar was saved for the tea when company came, and honey was a treat when a hive was found. That's a far cry from our sugar-saturated lives of the 21st century.

This Christmas I was noticing the number of times I popped a candy in my mouth, sipped on a Diet Coke, or made an excuse to stop by our local Mennonite doughnut truck. Stockings were filled with sugary delights, and the month was doubly saturated as I drove around town collecting my free birthday cake slice, personal pie, and Venti coffee drink of my choice. On Christmas day, as I sat at my parent's house feeling absolutely stuffed, I uttered a sigh of frustration and shot off a text to a couple of friends, asking why I had so little (essentially none at all) self-control when it came to what I stuffed in my mouth. 

A day or two later, I jokingly said to a friend, "I'm thinking about doing a sugar fast for the month of January...I will if you will!" And when she wrote back and said, "How serious are you?" I immediately knew it was time. Time to break some sugary holds, cleanse the palate, and practice what I preach to my kids - namely, "have some self-control why don't you??" 

So, here's my public announcement, and my declaration of intent: For the month of January - 31 days - I will be avoiding (as much as possible) obvious sources of sugar. This includes candy, sugary coffee and coffee ingredients (which means I'm drinking tea all month because I hate black coffee!), desserts, sugar-laden sauces, etc. I'll also be steering clear of white bread (which will be a real challenge as I have been making homemade bread in our bread machine several times a week for the family), white rice, and pasta. I'll be checking labels, and plan to substitute my water "add-ins" (which contain sugar substitutes) with plain ol' fizzy water, just to give it a little kick. 

This should be in addition to some of my other "small victory" goals for the year, including walking (or moving) more, and while continuing the intermittent fasting that I've been doing for the last month. I'm both nervous and excited to see how this goes, and hopeful that I can report back in a month with a positive outcome. Here goes nothing...

Two Pound Goals

This might sound a little weird to some, but while running errands recently, it suddenly hit me that it felt like I was walking around in someone else's body. For the first 30 years of my life, I was on the slim side of the scale, but the last decade has been a rollercoaster of weight loss and weight gain, each time creeping a bit higher. 

Photo by Samuel Ramos on Unsplash

COVID was unkind to all of us, but it also led to some undesirable side effects, such as a more sedentary lifestyle, emotional snacking, and subsequent weight gain. Hitting 40 during that time period didn't help either. I've tried intermittent fasting, nightly walking, and calorie counting, but not consistently, and as a result the pounds continued to pack on. 

Winter means bundling up in layers and digging out coats and gloves. The clothes that I've always had and felt comfortable in because they hid more...no longer hide it. Trousers are tight, coat sleeves feel constricting, and you can forget all about zipping up any of my old wool skirts. Not happening. Even my boots no longer fit, thanks to weight gain in my calves. I mean, really? REALLY?? Let's just add insult to injury. 

And yet I can't seem to stop myself when it comes to sugary sweets. Buttered popcorn-flavored jellybeans from my kids for my birthday? GONE in a week. Late night cheese and cracker snacks, grabbing one or two of the fudge squares on the kitchen counter, and did I mention I broke out the ol' bread machine again? Danger, Will Robinson! I am aware that the biggest roadblock to my weight loss is me. I love food. I love the foods that for 30 years I could eat with relatively few consequences. I mean, bringing home a yummy snack for the Hubs and me to enjoy after the kids are in bed seems like a fair exchange for being grounded as parents. But I don't like the tradeoff. 

While driving around in my car, I could feel the roll over my seatbelt. I could feel the way my gorgeous green wool coat was tight across my arms and chest. I was aware of the fact that just before getting in the car I had consumed a rather large handful of the Tootsie Rolls that the kids had included with my birthday jellybeans. And I knew that making choices like that was what led to me feeling like a stranger in my own body. 

I've passed the magic 40 mark...I know it doesn't get easier from here. And I also know that if I don't start making some changes in my eating and exercise habits, next year at this time I'm going to be sitting here...weighing 20 lbs. more than I do now. And I'm not okay with that. 

So when thinking about my "small victories" for 2023, I decided to aim low. Rather than saying, "I want to do what it takes to lose 40 lbs. in 2023," I'm focusing on just 2 pounds a month. That's 1/2 a pound a week. A tiny little 0.5 on the scale that I so carefully avoid in our closet. It's the difference between eating one Tootsie Roll and eating 20 of them. It's focusing on moderation rather than deprivation. It means asking the Hubs to put in an electrical outlet for the treadmill that was recently relocated...and then actually using it again. Learning to apply self-discipline and not just preach it. Ouch. 

January is coming. Goals are being set. But February is also coming. Goals are being excused and abandoned. And March is right around the corner, along with all those regrets over failed resolutions. Which is why I want to focus on the small victories this year. At this point in my life, I would be absolutely thrilled if I lost 2 lbs. in January and kept them off. I'd be over the moon if, by the end of February, I was consistently down 4 lbs. And 6 lbs. by March? Yes, please! So small goals and small victories in 2023. Who's with me?

Books in Queue

Ever since I learned to read in Kindergarten and discovered the magic of words on a page and the worlds that they opened to me, I have been hooked. I spent my formative years carrying around a book in my coat pocket (the 80's version of a Kindle app on a smartphone) and developed a habit of reading at the lunch table while munching on the bologna and mayonnaise sandwich that my mom always made me on school days (again, it was the 80s). In the summers I was often found in the upper branches of the maple tree in our front yard, along with the books and pillow I had somehow managed to wrangle up the tree with me. 

Yes, I have always loved books. And...I have always loved to collect books. 

Below is a photograph of my real-life nightstand. If I were being really honest, I would have thrown open the doors of the cabinet beneath and let you see the shelves of books, hidden behind closed doors, that have been purchased over the years and are waiting to see the light of day on the top of the cabinet...ever nearer to the hope of possibly being plucked out of line for reading. It's entirely possible that I am a book hoarder. And I'm not sure I'm really apologetic for that. At least...not yet. As you'll see below (if you continue to read), I'm also learning the importance of minimizing and downsizing, so this may change, but for now, books continue to be my friendly vice.

This image is the personal property of C.G. Koens and may not be used without permission

While there is an incredible backlog of physical books awaiting my attention, today I'm sharing just a few books—some I own, some I'd like to own, and some that have come to me in electronic form on my Kindle—that are making their way to the forefront of my interests as I look towards the new year. 

A little background: Ever since I helped my parents clean out this autumn and move the items they had collected over the 28 years they lived in their home, I have been in a purging and simplifying mindset. So many of the books you see on the list are focused on minimizing stuff and maximizing time usage. Life is too short to get bogged down in "woulda, shoulda, coulda" regrets. More on that in a moment. 

From Laura Vanderkam:

• Off the Clock: Feel Less Busy While Getting More Done 
• Tranquility by Tuesday: 9 Ways to Calm the Chaos and Make Time for What Matters 
• 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think

From Joshua Becker:

• Things That Matter: Overcoming Distraction to Pursue a More Meaningful Life
• The More of Less: Finding the Life You Want Under Everything You Own

From Peter Walsh:

• Let It Go: Downsizing Your Way to a Richer, Happier Life - This one is actually already in process on my Kindle, and I'm about 50% of the way through it, but I doubt I'll finish it before the year ends, as it is the kind of book that you read a little bit, and then mull over what you've read and decide what to do with that step before moving on.

In addition to these, I still have the front stack on the nightstand to work through. These include:

• What She Ate by Laura Shapiro
• Code Girls by Liza Mundy
• Sit, Walk, Stand by Watchman Nee
• 7 Men by Eric Metaxas
• Don't Overthink It by Anne Bogel
• The Joy and Light Bus Company by Alexander McCall Smith
• Classics Reimagined, The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle (a re-read, but in a new version)

As one of my "small victory" goals for 2023 is reading one book a month for fun (or learning/personal growth), this list actually gives me 13 to aim for and work through. 

Remember just a minute ago when I said that life was too short to get bogged down by regrets? That includes the regret of buying books with the best of intentions but never ending up reading them. Or worse still, starting them, slogging halfway through the book, and realizing that I really don't like it. Leaving an unread book on my shelves is one thing, but I confess to having a number of books on my Nightstand Stack that are technically "in process" but haven't been touched in years because I just couldn't get into them, but I can't bear to give up. That's a "woulda, shoulda, coulda" regret if I ever saw one, so perhaps learning how to let go of those "thanks, but no thanks" books should be another one of my "small victory" goals in 2023. Either that or just push through them and revel in the feeling of completing something I didn't want to do, and possibly learning something in the process...we'll have to see which one wins out. Which would you choose?

Simplifying the Holidays

Feeling overwhelmed by the holidays? Wondering, like Linus, if Christmas is too commercial? 

Welcome to the club.

My pillow (in the background of the photo) says it in many languages...it's Christmas. In December 2019, just prior to COVID taking over the world and forcing us to a sudden stop, I wrote a note to myself. I just stumbled across it again and felt that it was worth sharing with a larger audience because three years later, it still resonated with me. Oh, the stresses are different (homeschooling vs. finding teacher gifts), but the sentiment is still the same. And the reminder...every bit as pertinent. May you find encouragement in what you read below, and take heart...the Reason we celebrate is greater than the chaos of this world! 

This image is the personal property of C.G. Koens and may not be used without permission.

I'm usually super prepared, with everything wrapped and ready to go at the beginning of November. But this year everything's sneaking up on me...teacher gifts (I have them all, just not wrapped, and as to WHEN they'll be delivered...well...that's anybody's guess!), last week of school events ("Mom, are you bringing anything to...?"), gift card exchanges (Wait, what? WHY?), work projects (right, that's due right after Christmas, and I'm not working that week, so I need to turn it in this week, so...), bills (oops, look what got buried on my desk!), and now a feverish hubby (he's actually used 2 sick days - highly unusual for him) who's also out of commission for parenting, which makes me realize just how much I rely on him to help me juggle things when he comes home after work. And then last night, when the 8-year-old came in and said he felt "exhausted" and didn't balk when I suggested he go put on his pajamas and go to bed at 5 p.m., I knew another one was down for the count. I told the girls this morning that none of them were allowed to get whatever bug this is, and that you had to have a "Y" chromosome to pick it up. We'll see how well that works.

At any rate, after dinner and getting everyone in bed, and checking on the two sickies, I plopped on the couch for a moment and appreciated my new birthday shoes (courtesy of my amazing Hubs, who knows me so well) and the Christmas tree and a moment to be still.

I've seen a number of posts this year from people who are feeling overwhelmed, over-committed, and unprepared. I'm sure Mary felt the same way...but NOT for the same reasons. 

Although I thought I'd intentionally slowed down this year, I find myself feeling like I've been wound too tightly. I just discovered a bag of fun Christmas goodies that I bought because I wanted to be intentional and make some fun memories with the kids...but it was hidden under all the STUFF I need to deal with. Life IS busy, especially with five kids, but last night made me realize I don't want to miss WHY we are celebrating. Don't get me wrong...I love the tree and the lights. I love the music and the food (a little too much on the latter!). I love hunting down gifts that will make the recipients squeal. But in the end, the Grinch was right...it's not about the tinsel and trappings, and it doesn't come from a store.

Two thousand years ago (give or take a few years), a teenage girl said, "I am the Lord's servant," in response to a message that would make her a cultural outcast, potentially end her engagement to a good man, and change the course of her life forever. I am thankful for her example, that she responded in this way and opened her life up in obedience to God's calling, no matter how crazy it sounded to her family and friends. I know a tiny bit about what that feels like (believe it or not, some people thought we were a little nuts for adopting 5 kids at once...go figure!), but being available when God called was, much like Mary, one of the best decisions we've ever made.

And so this Christmas, in the midst of busyness and sickness and holiday folderol I want to stop and say the same: I am the Lord's servant. I don't know what that will look like, but I do know it means being open to being pulled in the directions that He chooses. That might mean getting involved with people who need to see His love this season, or it might mean focusing on instructing the kids in what's eternal and what's of this world. Whatever it looks like, He must increase and I must decrease.

If you've read this far, Merry Christmas, everyone!

Small Victories

In years past, I have set goals. I have picked words. I have started strong. And I have fallen off the wagon somewhere around March or April. And it is for this very reason that this year, I'm focusing more on the small victories. The things that sound small on paper or in a blog post, but I know would actually make my daily life better. It's not about running the marathon, it's about taking the first step.

Photo by Max van den Oetelaar on Unsplash

And so here I am, working on blog post #13 of 2022. I aimed for twelve this year, and at the beginning of the month, I had only written eight. But then I decided I needed to work on making the time I had work for me. I needed to fight the urge to kill time after a long day and instead use it to pour into something I used to really enjoy doing...writing. And suddenly, using the same amount of time I had before, I have written five blog posts, found images, and hit "publish," bringing life back to a part of me that has been dormant. It's a small victory. 

And what about those other small victories? Well, here's a quick list of what I'm aiming for in 2023:

• Lose 2 lbs. a month
• Read 1 book a month (for fun)
• Write 1 blog post a month
• Walk a minimum of 3 days a week
• Use up the tea stash (I *might* have a tea collection problem)
• Clean various areas of the house once a month
• Try "No Spend" weeks
• Instead of hitting "buy now" from Amazon, put the same amount in savings daily/weekly

Favorite Books of 2022

In 2020, I read 70 books. In 2021, I read 72 books. This year I aimed for 75...and read (drumroll)...a whopping 22. That's right. Just 22 books (so far) in 2023, but as previously mentioned, life has been a little hectic, leaving very little time for anything on my "like to do" list, such as blogging, taking naps, and sipping Starbucks' skinny caramel macchiatos.

But of the books I did manage to read this year, a few stood out as favorites. You can find the complete list of everything I read on Goodreads (if we haven't connected there yet, I invite you to join me - it's my favorite social media site because it requires nothing more than reviewing books and getting recommendations from fellow bookworms...in other words, an introvert's paradise!).  

Photo by Sincerely Media on Unsplash

Hank & Jim: The Fifty-Year Friendship of Henry Fonda and James Stewart by Scott Eyman
I can't quite put my finger on why I enjoyed this as much as I did, except for the fact that it's history and it's part of the world that is dying off. Caution must be given on the language of the book (primarily quotes), but otherwise, this was an interesting history of two men who rose through the ranks in Hollywood, served their country well in WWII, and found a way to make a lasting friendship despite a difference of opinions on politics, religion, and other such heated topics. Maybe we should all take a page out of Jim and Hank's book...

Books, Baguettes and Bedbugs: the Left Bank World of Shakespeare and Co. by Jeremy Mercer

If you're interested in the world of Shakespeare and Company at Kilometer Zero in Paris, just across the river from Notre Dame...then you'd enjoy this book. An insider view of the world of George Whitman (son of Walt...not the poet) and his strange little communist/capitalist empire. In this book, the author details the life of a bookstore sojourner, poor and hungry, and the world of those who seek sanctuary at the famous Shakespeare and Company. While it's not a world that I would fit into (other than the desire to read a book every day) with the free sex and pro-Communist leanings, it was still interesting to get a small glance into the world behind the shelves and meet the transient authors and artists who temporarily (or sometimes not so temporarily) take up residence thanks to George and his open-door view.

The Feather Thief: Beauty, Obsession, and the Natural History Heist of the Century by Kirk W. Johnson

Think Oceans 11, The Italian Job, and Jason Bourne, only with a homeschooled American boy who wanted money to buy a nice flute so he could play classical music with a German orchestra. Truth truly is stranger than fiction. Without giving anything away, let me just say that although the long arm of the law did, eventually, catch up to him, justice was not served. In a plot twist that would fit well in Catch Me If You Can, Rist and his feathers are still free in the world, much to the chagrin of Johnson, who slowly became obsessed with this unusual heist, and the man who got away with it.

God's Samurai: Lead Pilot at Pearl Harbor by Gordon W. Prange, Donald M. Goldstein, Katherine V. Dillon

Historically, I enjoyed the Japanese perspective of WWII, which we rarely get in the U.S. unless we actively seek it out, and not at all in school, unless it's to tell us how Japan was evil and attacked us and tortured POWs. So from a historical standpoint, I learned a lot and enjoyed a different point of view. But from a writing standpoint, I've definitely read better. It felt a little academic and stiff, like we were given the facts but there were a lot of holes. Fuchida's years-long affair with Kimi was unsatisfactorily explained, and very little seems to be known about his faithful wife. Still an interesting story, definitely worth reading if you're interested in WWII, Japan, or this Navel pilot and contemporary of Louis Zamperini (from whom we get an entirely different view of the Japanese military).

If you've read any of these, I'd love to hear your thoughts on them. Or if you had a stand-out book this year from your list, I'd love to hear about that as well. I mean, all good bookworms can use another book recommendation, right?

For 2023, the plan is to continue working through "The Stack" on my nightstand (which seems to be growing, rather than shrinking...the life of a bookworm with no time, eh?), and I've grabbed a few good deals on Kindle books this fall that I'd really like to read on my phone as I find (or make) the time. More on that whole idea of "making time" in a later post, so stay tuned! In the meantime, to my fellow bibliophiles...happy reading!  

Find the Joy

I've been on a bit of a purging kick since the week of Thanksgiving. Before hosting 22 people last Thursday, I went through my kitchen and pantry and filled six large boxes with items to be donated to our local Goodwill.

It was good stuff, nice stuff, never-been-used stuff. Holiday dishes, mixing bowls, cloth napkins. It represented a realistic look at my fantasy life/family that I imagined I would have when I was in my 20s, and the reality of my (wonderful) life/family in my 40s.

 
I know what kind of mom I am...not the kind that needs 100 cookie cutters. I know what kind of hostess I am...the kind that is a raving fan of the nice holiday paper plates from Hobby Lobby. I routinely choose ease over fuss, simple over hard, and ready-made over made-from-scratch (most of the time...I have my moments).

 
Since then, the purge has continued. Three more large boxes have been packed up since the pre-Thanksgiving load, including more holiday decor as I've been going through the containers from our basement, decking the house. 

I've boxed up Christmas dishes that my mother gave to my grandparents when she and my father were poor newlyweds (a set of four, split between their two parents). One of the plates broke in a move we made 22 years ago, and the other three have been pulled out and used a handful of times since then. They hold memories...for my mom, but not for me. And so they are being passed on to someone who can love and use them, rather than collecting dust in my cabinet. 

In many ways, this purge has been more about examining the reasons I've been keeping these things, and less about the items themselves. It's not about whether they are useful or beautiful (a la William Morris), rather, it's asking myself if the only reason I'm holding onto them is for the memories associated with them, even if they aren't my memories. What I'm realizing (thanks in part to Let It Go: Downsizing Your Way to a Richer, Happier Life by Peter Walsh, $4.99 for the Kindle version as of the time of writing, and worth it if you're simplifying, downsizing, or preparing to move loved ones), is that the memories are enough...I don't need the things too.

While working on dinner this week, I looked up and "saw" this candle on the ledge of the pass-through window to the dining room. I say "saw" because it's actually been sitting in my kitchen ever since a friend gave it to me for Christmas...several years ago. I've seen it almost every day, but never took the time to do anything with it. It just sat there, as life went on. But as I looked at it this time I suddenly knew...it was time. Light the candle. Enjoy the smell, the flame, the reminder to find JOY at that moment. And when the moment is over, toss or pass it on.

 
I am thankful for these simple truths that are being revealed to me this holiday season. Find joy, use it up, share it with others, enjoy it, and cherish the memory without holding onto the stuff. Life, and specifically Christmas, is about so much more.

The Best Laid Plans...

Oh, what grand schemes were schemed at the end of 2021. Twelve blog posts, twelve big things to focus on, twelve ways to improve myself, our house, and our bank account in 2022. The only thing I can say at the quarter point of the year is that I have managed to write at least one blog post each month, and that's something, right? If you saw my post from March, then you know life threw some curveballs our way, and my pantry isn't cleaned out or organized. In fact, if anything, it has gotten worse and more overwhelming. And while we've had some good news in April, it has also been a month of stuggles, with one child in particular, and weekends spent cleaning at my parent's house while my mom continued to recover from her fall and resulting fracture. 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble. {Psalm 46:1}

Photo by JOHN TOWNER on Unsplash

Sometimes the view of the road ahead is clear, and other times you can't see around the next bend. At times you are steering in the dark, and then suddenly a ray of light will issue forth and provide some much-needed guidance for the journey. I think the image above pretty much sums up my life at this stage - can't see what's coming next, mostly dark, but with the occasional God rays to remind me that He's still the author of the journey. 

In my "best laid plans" I intended to read 12 books this month. With all that is going on, there are many nights I don't even get to read to the kids anymore, so reading 12 books, whether for myself or to others, seems like a dream at the moment. But since I still want to aim for something - because in the midst of the craziness, I still feel the need for some normalcy and goal setting - I'm revising the April goal to reading 12 minutes a day. 

Are you in a season of life when finding 12 minutes in a day to do something like read for pleasure feels like a luxuary? Let me tell you, you are not alone my friend. If the last three-and-a-half months have taught me anything, it has been the importance of making time to be still with the Lord - not running around trying to purge 12 things (even though that's a nice stress relief too) or read 12 books or spend 12 minutes cleaning out a pantry bin. I don't have time for any of those things, if I'm being honest. Between parenting five kids and working a few hours each week and juggling homeschooling and field trips and aging parents...the hours in my day are rapidly dwindling. 

At the end of the day, sandwiched between bedtime routines of the youngest and oldest, there is just a smidgen of time to "be still" and listen for the Lord to speak. But He does. He always does. And I'm always thankful for those stolen moments, and look forward to the day when they aren't quite so stolen. Maybe you are too.

“Be still and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted over the earth.” {Psalm 46:10}

Hang in there, Mamas...or daughters, sisters, friends...this too, shall pass, but the Word of the Lord will remain forever. Whatever else you do this month, make sure you're making time for the most important of all.  

The Twelve in 2022

It started when I saw a post from Jules at Pancakes & French Fries, about her goal of writing 12 blog posts this year. As soon as I read it I thought, "That's just one post a month. That's totally doable. I'm in." But what started as the number of posts I was willing to commit to writing in 2022, soon morphed into a monthly self-challenge plan, with various ideas coming in rapid succession. I don't know about you, but I need deadlines and bite-sized goals to motivate myself. 

Photo by Thor Alvis on Unsplash

WINTER 2022

January: Removing 12 items a day from our house in the Great Whole-House Purge of 2022. The twelve would not include trash, because I think that's cheating...I could throw away twelve items of junk mail in a day and call it good, but that wouldn't actually get me where I want to be! So we're talking actual removal of gently used/unused items (to a box, bag, or sack) for donation, with trips to our local Goodwill on the calendar once a week (look for updates throughout the month on the Facebook page). 

February: I will move $12 from our checking to our savings every day for a month. Two drinks at Starbucks is almost $12, depending on the size you get, so if I cut out Starbucks and various treats and unplanned stops in a month, that should be completely doable. 

March: I will dedicate 12 minutes each day to cleaning out and organizing our pantry and additional food storage area. Timer in hand, trash bags at the ready, I would love to think that I'll be done with this in a week, but I've seen my pantry. Photos and updates will be posted to the Facebook page, for accountability. 

SPRING/SUMMER 2022

April: The number of books I'll aim to read in one month. It seems like a lot, considering the hecticness of my life, between working freelance and homeschooling, plus running kids to their various activities, but since I set a higher reading goal for myself in 2021, and exceeded it, why not aim higher still? Follow me on Goodreads for regular updates on this.

May: 12 minutes a day, five days a week, spent on lesson planning for the 22/23 school year. I have struggled with staying on top of lesson planning this year, having tried something new (which didn't work), so I'd like to get a jump start on the next school year, even as this one winds up.

June/July/August: The number of pounds I'd like to shed, healthily, this summer. I'll give myself three months for this one. That means cutting back on my snacks and finding a way to get active again. The last two years have not been good to me, or my waistline, and the time has come (the time being me turning 40 and my pants no longer fitting). 

FALL 2022 - TBD

I've yet to decide what 12-themed things I might focus on for the remaining months of the year, but I'm okay with that because if the last two years have taught us anything, it's that we have no idea what the future holds. By this time in the year, we could all be rolling around in giant plastic bubbles, or building bunkers to survive WWIII, or fighting off the next superbug that's taking over the world. After all, as James 4:13-15 reminds us...

Now listen, you who say, “Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money.” Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, “If it is the Lord’s will, we will live and do this or that.”

If it's the Lord's will, I'll be back with my first post of the year next month. I hope to see you here, and in the meantime, I'd love to hear what your goal is for the first month of 2022 and/or for the entire year. 

Would you consider doing something like the 12-themed goals? If you're interested, I'd love the company and accountability on the journey. Join the conversation over on the Busy Nothings Facebook page, or chime in here in the comments. Are you ready?

Let's make 2022 the year that we "spur one another on" - to love, good deeds, and personal growth, 12 things at a time! 

My Simplified Why: Follow the Money

FROM THE ARCHIVES ➤➤➤ I originally wrote this post in January 2020 - before the whole world came to a screeching halt, and life as we knew it, stopped. However, as I've been attempting to blog a little more consistently this year, I decided to pull up some of the posts I had started and saved as drafts, and this is one of them. While similar to the post I shared last week, as I read through it, I was reminded of where we were a year ago, and I realized that I had, in fact, made some good financial changes over the past 12 months. For example, this year our savings accounts are much healthier than they were a year ago, and that's a good thing! But I also realized that some of my points made in this post were still valid, and good reminders of other ways I could cut corners and save, so I decided to post it anyway. Maybe you, like me, will find a little nugget to take away and dwell on and then do something with this year. May we all continue to grow and improve in 2021! 

In 2012, we paid off our house. In actual fact, we paid off the remaining 54% of our mortgage in just 7 months of 2012. It came down to focusing in on a big goal, saying "no" to a lot of other things, and a whole bunch of self discipline. And it felt great when we were all done.

Which is why when, earlier this month, I found myself stressing over looming bills and shrinking bank accounts, I was pulled up short when I realized I was right back to where I was in 2011. How did that happen? Well, I'll tell you: old habits and new kids.

Old habits like, "I don't really feel like cooking tonight," (which, even as I was typing that, reminded me that I needed to start the Crock-Pot for dinner) crept back in. Only this time there were seven of us, so Japanese takeout now costs $70, rather than $20. 🙅 The occasional stop for ice cream after a school event takes $30 when you're dishing up six bowls instead of two, and now that some of them are getting older, a stop at Starbucks is often a $15 splurge, rather than a $5 treat. It all adds up.

Although most of the time I'm pretty good about telling myself I don't need the new pair of pants or that cute sweater, it's harder when I'm out and see clothes on sale that would fit my kids. I mean, I'm saving money, right? They're so hard on clothes, and it's nice not to have to pay full-price for something when I have a stash downstairs that I got on clearance. But you know what's NOT a bargain? Hitting up so many sales that I forget what I have and when I finally dig it out...they've outgrown it. True story, I'm embarrassed to admit.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin on Unsplash

In 2018, I was becoming totally overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in our house. When it was just the two of us, I kept it fairly tidy, though we still had way too much, but once the kids came, I felt like I was swimming against the tide. Despite keeping Christmas to a minimum and refusing to throw extravagant birthday parties where all of their friends were invited and we were flooded with gifts, it was like a never ending stuff parade coming through the doors of our house. Even though I instigated regular purge sessions, piles continued to creep up on my desks, kitchen counters, and even on top of bedroom dressers.

Feeling thus overwhelmed, I signed up to take part in the Uncluttered course (nope, that's not an affiliate link) that minimalist Joshua Becker hosts several times a year. All participants receive a lifetime membership to participate in the course, and also maintain access to the private Facebook group. I can't say that the course itself was particularly life changing for me...but the private group has been a great source of ongoing encouragement. Seeing what others are doing, purging, changing, has been a reminder that I shouldn't give up. 

A couple of weeks ago, I noticed that people were beginning to share their "why" for continuing the clean out. One woman said that her why was becoming debt free, and as soon as I read it, I knew that I needed to get back on the bandwagon. While we're not in debt - outside of a mortgage (yes, we paid it off but, long story short, we once again have a small mortgage on our home) - we're also not exactly rolling in savings. Another woman shared that whenever she thought about buying something, she transferred that same amount into her savings account, which triggered a memory of a time when I was doing the same thing (see: paid off house in 2012). It's just one of many good habits that need to be pulled from the mothballs.

This year, my WHY for minimalizing and simplifying really comes down to the money. It's not just about making multiple trips to donate excess goods, but about stemming the tide coming in as well - not just because it's stuff, but because it represents resources that could be much better spent elsewhere. As I look ahead at current and upcoming expenses, I realize that the not-so-little $40 and $70 expenditures, even if it's "saving" me money, have really added up. It's time to remember that every time I'm saying "yes" to something with my money, I'm saying "no" to something else...something that's probably way more important.

My why for #minimalismsimplified in 2020 is about financial freedom. Or, as Becker put in on a post he shared last week, "Just because it's on sale, doesn't mean I need it." 😏  

$27.40

Strange title for a blog post, right? It comes from a graphic that Joshua Becker shared on Facebook last year, and again not that long ago. That's the daily spend amount that it takes to waste (or save) $10,000 in a year. Let that sink in for a minute.

Photo by Michael Longmire on Unsplash

Now, I'm sure some of you would argue that you don't have $27.40 to throw away on miscellaneous spending every day, and I get that. I don't typically spend that in a day either, but also keep in mind that number is an average. So let's take a look at a few of the ways that this can add up, and I'll use our family as an example.

• If we take our family of seven for take-out Japanese it costs us around $75. Let's say I do that once a month—that's $900 a year. 
• If you've got kids in sports, like we do, the monthly fees can quickly add up. Let's say you spend $400 a month on lessons and gear for two or more kids—that's $4,800 a year.
• You know I like my Starbucks stops. They're like a mini-vacation in a cup on stressful days. But at an average of $5 a pop, estimating a conservative four times a month, buying for only one person—that's $240 a year.
• The kids have done really well at school, so that calls for a celebration and a stop by our local pay-by-the-ounce ice cream shop. Cha-ching! Since we don't usually take the Hubs as he's at work, and I limit the kids to three toppings each, we can typically get out of there for around $25-30. But if we go 5-6 times a year—that's $180 a year.

You can probably see where I'm going with this. Before you know it, you're well over half-way to that $10k point, and that's not counting the stops to pick up something you "need" at TJ Maxx, or the sale you hit on clothes for the kids at Old Navy, or Christmas or any of the birthday gifts required by all those classroom invitations (a definitely bonus of homeschooling - no more class parties!). You and I might not spend $27.40 a day, but I bet if we stopped and begin counting up all the big and little expenditures, we'd be surprised at how quickly they add up, just like my examples above.

Compared to many, I would consider myself a frugal person. For over two decades, I've packed lunch for the Hubs, we've cut each others hair (and now our kids), made coffee at home (most days), shopped sales and used coupons, saved and repurposed. We don't pay for cable or Netflix, we almost never go to movies - even before COVID, and we don't take vacations. If you asked some of the kids, they'd say we're downright Scroogy! 

But the fact of the matter is, when my 1099 arrived last year from my largest client, I was shocked to see the amount and spent some time wondering where it all went last year. Yes, we were paying for private school at the time, so that took a large chunk, and yes, we paid cash for a vehicle that then needed a lot of TLC (read: parts) to get it up to speed. But despite these, and other big expenditures that happened, as I thought back over the year, I knew that my $27.40 days were definitely involved. 

So in the midst of this "no spend" month, I'm calling myself out for it. It's time to tighten the belt, not just this month, but every month. And when splurges do happen—and they will—that $27.40 needs to be in cash. Not only is this more painful for me, but it's a good visual for the kids, who often have a difficult time grasping the concept that when a card comes out, so does money. The habit of splurging has definitely shown itself already, as I've had kids light up and say, "Oh, can we get 5 Guys for dinn..." and then remember, "oh, no. It's February." Maybe if they saw me whipping out four $20 bills each time we stopped for a "quick bite" it might impact them more than a square of plastic. It's something I'm considering...for March. 😉

What about YOU? Cash or card?

↓

What makes up your $5, $15, or $27.40 splurges?