Not Lucky, But Blessed

As we wrap up spring break 2018, I've been thinking a lot about the difference a year can make. One year ago, I was stressed to the max, trying desperately to get some sense of the new normal of our lives with 5 new people taking up a large portion of each day. Most days I collapsed into bed either completely exhausted or feeling like a failure... or sometimes both. I lived for the minutes between their bedtime and mine, and wondered how I was going to make it through the next day. We have a photo of my mom with the kids during spring break 2017 when my dad sent her over to help me after I called in tears. She brought lunch, helped them with a craft, and loved on me as only a mom can. 

As only a mom can... it's something I'm still learning how to be. I want to give our 5 the same sense of peace and calm that my mom still brings to me - even at 36 years of age. The way her hugs make me feel like I am loved, no matter how much I screw up, and that everything is going to be okay. I want to be able to do that for our kids, who started out life on the wrong foot, with everything against them, fighting to stay together and finally moving to a new country with people they had known for just 8 weeks, learning a new language, and trying to find their space in this new life. 

There have been many, many times in the last 18 months that I have not been the mom that they needed. The mom that God wants me to be. But I am a work in progress... always have been, always will be. I know I can do better - with God's help. This week I called my mom again, to see about getting together, but this time I did so because my kids wanted to spend time with their grandmother, and we all enjoy being together as a family. What a difference a year makes. 

Not lucky, but blessed.