Breaking Up Is Hard To Do...

Dear Dunkin' Donuts,

We go back a long time, you and I. I recall first visiting the northern land of your birth in my childhood, and discovering the goodness that makes up DD. Our relationship blossomed when I moved closer to you and discovered that you didn't limit yourself to donuts, but had become a well-rounded bagel, breakfast sandwich, drink making machine. I fell for you, and you had me from "Can I take your order?" When we were in far away lands, you were a beacon of comfort (food) and we took advantage of your familiarity and cups of coffee.

After years of waiting for you to move closer to me, I finally got the news that you were on your way south. I'd like to say thanks for coming to town. It has been a blast to have you around and I've certainly done some damage with your blueberry bagels, sour cream donuts, and coffee coolatas. It's not that I don't appreciate you - you will forever hold a special spot in my heart - and I promise that you haven't seen the last of me and my $0.99 refill mugs, but according to the scales and my ever-tightening pants, our multi-day-a-week affair is beginning to cause issues.

It appears that I have lost all self-control when it comes to you and your delightful array of baked goods and sugar-sweetened coffee drinks. It has become impossible for me to simply stop by for a coffee without adding a round of sugary goodness to my order. You've made it extra difficult with those continual free-donut coupon offers on the bottom of each receipt. It's as if you know my weaknesses better than I do.

And so, it is with much regret, that I must separate myself from you - for the present. Oh yes, I'll still be around for your delightful coffee - iced or hot - with a dash of cream and a few Splendas, but I have to break it off with your plethora of baked delicacies. Instead of being a once-in-a-while fling, you have become an almost daily desire, and my lack of control scares me. In other words: it's not you, it's me. Keep up the good work for those who are stronger to resist the Siren call of the donuts (or those who are blessed with a faster metabolism or the marathon runners who frequent your stores). I'll be around for my coffee, but please don't tempt me any more than you have to with your shelves of ooey, gooey, goodness.

Your Faithful Customer,

Carrie